Personal Voids

3 more quarters and I will be done with my pharmacy school didactics. And then after that, I have 3 quarters of clinical rotations. Once that’s done, I have my doctor of pharmacy degree assuming I pass my boards. It just hit me that I have exactly 2 more years to go until I finally finish my chapter of schooling. Maybe not if I plan to pursue another degree down the road but as of right now, I do not have anything in mind.

I still remember when I entered this program full of enthusiasm but now, my excitement has gone down the drain not because I hate the field that I am pursuing. I do find it very exciting and rewarding knowing that our scope of practice will continue to expand and improve over the years due to recent legislative initiatives (i.e. SB493). But I think it’s the personal excitement that has gone down the drain over the past few months. So I guess…you can say that I am professionally stimulated, but not personally stimulated. Ok, that sounds dirty and no that is not describing my sex life. That’s none of your business!

That sounds pretty fucking sad but it’s true. I was jaded at some point. Even with an amazing boyfriend who is compassionate, responsible and reliable, I do not feel complacent. I do not think I will ever be. There was something missing. I then realized the presence of this void when I called my mother in LA to create an earthquake emergency plan. I have lost touch with my family, in general. Yeah, I go home here and there, visit them, and have dinner with them. But for the most part, I am going home either to (1) attend a music festival and (2) take care of personal obligations. The truth is…the deep conversations with my family are rarely there. I am also missing out on my siblings’ growth. I cannot believe my sister is graduating college next year. My brother just entered college. And.. my “little” brother just entered high school. My dad is now half a century old and my mom will also be a half a century old in 2 years. I am missing out on taking care of them too knowing that my mom is pre-diabetic and my father has increased risk for cardiovascular disease because of his hypercholesterolemia and hypertension. I find it ironic that even though I am learning these disease states at UCSF alongside with managing their corresponding medication regimens, I am not having health-related conversations with my parents.

I jot down LA for my top 3 clinical rotation sites so there is a chance that I might get that site. I also put Davis and South Bay as choices because they have a pretty solid program. I don’t mind getting Davis or South Bay as sites, but a part of me wants to be in LA so I can be close to my family. LA is my personal choice, while the other two are my professional choices. But even if I do get LA, it will take some time to resolve these voids knowing that I will be working 40 hours/week and then I have to rest up to start another day. There might also be 6-day/week rotations so that would limit my family time on weekends. Bottom line is….my time with my family is limited even if I get LA as my clinical site.

All I can do at this point is….have that extra push to finish my degree on time. And hopefully, I have a job in line for me in SoCal. Crossing my fingers.

People truly underestimate the power of solitude. I find it extremely therapeutic.

You know school has taken over your life when all your Facebook Chats and text messages are all about discussing the best treatment regimen for all these patient cases. 

Eat. Sleep. Rave. Repeat. 

More like, Eat. Sleep. Study. Work. Repeat. 

But seriously though, can time just fast forward itself to Coachella already?

Long Hair vs. Short Hair

I applaud people who can handle having long hair. I gave it a try.

The hair touching my forehead irks me. I can feel every single hair tip touching my forehead skin. Oh god, that sounded like “foreskin” for a sec. 

The morning routine would not be complete without reshowering your head and gel-ing your hair for a transformative touch. And if you wake up late, you got to wear that emergency beanie, flat caps, or whatever hat you have, unless you want to look hideous in public. Yeah, blame the bed hair. 

Lesson learned, for sure. 

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